Motherly Woes

I have children who struggle with sleep. My youngest daughter, currently 15 months, is in a constant state of teething: there are always three to four teeth coming in at once. Luckily once this round is done, only two year molars remain, but I have a feeling that once her canine come in, those molars won’t be too far behind.

So I sit here, listening to her wail after having spent an hour in her room trying to soothe her. Nothing works. Now I’m out of her way, and she is practically growling in there. What a mean mommy I am.

It’s frustrating. I’m constantly second guessing myself. She needs sleep training, but is now the time to do it when I know there are three canines coming in? In turn, do I really want my entire night dominated by her cute little presence when I’ve spent the entire day in her presence? Always on call, 24/7, wondering what I’m doing to fuck things up this time — Fuck it up with too much love and back-bending, or fuck it up with not enough compassion in a time of need.

This is why I have trouble getting on track for doing anything. I’ve been reading the linguistics and grammar textbooks, but infrequently and without any real plan in mind. Notes here and there as I think of it. But then I have nights like these, quite often, where I give in to their little demands because it’s just easier that way. Who wants to listen to a baby wail for hours? Not me, especially when I’m already wore down to the marrow.

I had the intention of getting up early in the morning to get some work done then, but I still have frequent night wakings where I have to soothe one or both children at some point during the night. I can’t tell you the last time I’ve had 8 hours of consecutive sleep. Or six. Last night I got maybe four – between 1:30 am to 5:30am. Doesn’t make for very restful sleep, and hell if I’m going to get up early when I can’t even get my ass to bed until late at night because I need SOME down time.

I keep hearing, and keep telling myself, “It’ll get better.” When, exactly? When they’re 18 and out of the house?

Wah wah wah waaaaahhhh.



In other news, I started following some linguistic word press sites. I love posts like this one about distinguishing between theta and eth.

It’s worth noting that function words in English, like pronouns, prepositions, and determiners, tend to have ð, while content words, especially nouns, tend to have θ.


How many days?

I’ve been off Facebook and twitter for several days, and while some days were just as frustrating, not having the doom and gloom in my face makes me feel a little at ease.

Hubs and I had two date nights. We enjoyed bruscetta one night and chocolate fondue the next. I made Sheppard’s pie today. I’m making baked Mac and cheese with bacon tomorrow. 

Fatty foods are ruling the house. And I feel like I need to make the time to keep it going as long as I can. Because who knows…?

All of K’s teething teeth are in. Four on top, one on bottom. That makes 7 the current count. I think another bottom tooth is coming in. Time will tell. I hope she gets relief soon.

O is becoming more kid-like with each passing day. The looks and the gestures. She has to tell me everything she knows and makes sure to make sure she knows I know. It’s cute and tiring at the same time. I don’t yet regret wishing for the talking. 

6 days

The morning was spent taking care of my girls while my handheld addiction device known as my phone stayed in the bedroom. I spent about 15 minutes texting while I fed K, but the rest of the time it was put out of sight.

The whole day I had to fight the pull to go look at it. 

Last night I deleted Facebook and twitter from my phone. I did get on fb on the computer to check something, but other than that I kept my distance.

This evening, hubs and I made art for the girls: their names written in glitter glue on pink construction paper. It is very cute.

I succeeded today. There were some minor annoyances like O refusing to nap for about two hours, and by time she did fall asleep, K was waking up. But the evening has both kids sleeping at a reasonable hour, and we both got the break we’ve been desperately needing. 

We really needed it.

Six Teeth at Once

Having one of those nights of endless crying.

I think I reported K having five teeth coming in at the same time. At least three are definitely broken through, two at either there or really close, and now I think there is yet another working its way up.


I’m contemplating staying up to do cleaning, but I am quickly losing motivation. I’m just glad to have got this day of writing in.

Lazy Day

Not much happened today. I was able to catch a midday nap when #2 took a nap. It was nice. 

O has some sort of weird cold. She has a cough but only at certain parts of the day. It’s worse at night. She complains that her mouth hurts but refuses medicine. She was a cranky butt for most of today.

Any time I looked in the mirror today, there was a moment of shock. Oh yeahhhh… I chopped off my hair! It’s not just pulled back into a weirdly tight ponytail. I head banged today. It was interesting and weird. Haha.

Lazy lazy day. As much as one can be while taking care of two small people.


I came up with a few ideas last night. I want to use my site to restart my love of photography. My camera has been collecting dust, which is such a shame. So I think I might spend a week taking photos, then once a week choose the best one to share. 

The first theme I’m going to do is “around the house”. My place is trashed, and I’m slowly working toward a huge purging. Although I have plenty of “before” photos, I’m going to take some more purposeful shots and detail my progress. 

I just need to choose a day of the week to make my weekly photo post. Maybe Mondays? 
So much organizing to do…

I Miss This

Ok, seriously. I’m having too much fun writing that I am going to stay up late and get some done!

Let’s talk the girls. I say the girls, but really what they are is my world. That’s an awkward sentence. Anywho! My life revolves around these beautiful little people, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

But boy do they drive me crazy.

Poor K, my 9 month old, has five teeth coming in at once. Oucchh!! That cannot feel good. Which has really caused some crazy nights lately. She has always been a night owl ever since July when both kiddos came down with a nasty illness. I had sleep trained her, and it was working really well… then the five teeth started. Yay!

Probably because she was finally getting some sleep.

I think they’re all through now, but I am still dealing with the fallout of now having to start sleep training all over again. That’s a pain.

Then there’s O, 2.5 years old. She’s reached the stage where she has more agility, more confidence, more dexterity, more imagination. All these things are coming out all at once. It makes her so so so excited. She loves to learn, but I think more she loves to share what she has learned. It’s a sort of “Look at me and all the knowledge I have! I must vomit everything I know on you RIGHT NOW.” And then she does. But you always have to repeat back to her what she said so she knows you understood her.

She’s getting better lately at allowing me to acknowledge her words by continuing the conversation. It doesn’t always work, but it’s exciting when it does.

I treat both of them with a bit of a soft approach. Probably too soft for some. O is sensitive, and if I’ve learned anything so far, it’s that personality has a lot to do with it. K is less sensitive, but still needy all the same. She’s loudly needy, whereas O is wanting of cuddles and touching.

I think O has her molars coming in, which is just so fucking fantastic. Both kids crying at the same time is one of the worst sounds in the world. Especially to a mom. Because it goes right to your core and your whole body just feels so fucking uncomfortable. Uggghhhhh.

I laughed about it tonight though. It’s frustrating as all fucking hell, but it’s hilarious that I willingly signed up for this shit. The rewards outweigh the often overwhelming bad days where you get zero breaks and everyone is just WHINING right in your face.

But sometimes man…………….

Can’t I just have an hour of quiet me time without someone needing me?

Dusting off the Fingertips

The last real time I wrote something about myself, like a blog post or writing in a journal, had to be more than three years ago. With the exception of a few family drama outbursts, I just haven’t really put any time into me. Being me. Which is to say, writing about myself.

I’ve been on the internet for a long time. Which is a weird thing for me to write because I feel like surely everyone has been on in the internet for a long time. Nope. I guess I belong into a special subgroup of people. Huh.

Anyway, my youth was the early days of the internet. AOL chats, IMing on AOL, then AIM. There were other chat formats like ICQ. There was one I never used… gosh I can’t even think of it right now, but it was also a weird term.

Anyway, I knew my way around the internet. I was good at finding things. I loved looking at websites where it was a collection of images, pre-deviant art. I think it was called elf wood? It was fun.

Forum roleplay. Please tell me someone out there still does that. I miss it.

AOL used to have text commands that allowed you to roll dice. //roll would give you a roll of two six-sided dice. But you could customize the command to roll however many dice of however many sides you want. //roll-sides8-dice4  — Haha!

And aside from all those fun socializing thing was the good old online journal. Online diary? I was on Oh lord! Then there was livejournal, of course. Deadjournal was where I spent a lot of time writing about teenage woes of homework and odd social situations. Greatestjournal during my young dating years (cringe!). Xanga was in there, of course. All of it makes me cringe, really. But it was who I was. I was on the internet, and I wrote about my daily boring life.

And it helped me a lot. So much. I was a depressed teenager, and writing was my outlet. I could write about all the bullshit going on, all my feelings, and sometimes other people would read it and comment on it. I felt like if someone took the time to read and comment that maybe they actually kind of cared. Now, remember, these people reading my stuff wasn’t random internet strangers. They were my in person friends. It wasn’t very often that you would comment on a random stranger’s post back then.

Anyway…  I see two other paragraphs above this one that start the same way.

It’s actually been way longer than three years since I sat down and chronicled my life. When I met my husband, I don’t think I was doing it much back then. But as our relationship blossomed, I did it less and less.

Since all that, I have married and had two children. That’s a weird thing to say. But that really is my reality. Two young children… 9 months and 2.5 years. Right now they’re in an interesting stage. But I’ll save the details of that for another post. Let’s just say they are a driving force for me to get back into my writing.

Don’t get me wrong, I love them very dearly. But for the last three years, I have dedicated 20000000% of myself to them, and I’m feeling very lost and lonely. So here I am! I’m going to make my new domain soon. But until that time, I’ll be posting here.

Hi! Nice to meet you.