The knowledge that floats in my head is disjointed and piecemeal. I can point to several books I have read to gain some of this knowledge, but most of it I gleaned through twitter threads, news articles, magazine articles, or some other short-form media. Because I have a wide variety of surface-level (and perhaps some just below) awareness on a lot of topics, I’ve come to reach conclusions that I have not yet read. So I was elated when I went to research my current hypothesis only to find scholarly writings that speak on this very topic.
I spoke to husbae about this phenomenon: There’s something magical about this round about way of coming to a conclusion and finding out that others have too. He asked, what would you name that feeling? He came up with validation. I said serendipitous, without really knowing the definition. Except I did. How extraordinarily serendipitous. I wish I could remember how I finally came to learn that term.
The writing of this essay is going very slowly. I’m distracted by ten thousand different things, but finding a few articles that cite other sources and confirming my idea is helping me find focus. Focus is super hard right now: I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions. I don’t know how normal people cope. I think I can cope, once I learn how, but I don’t know how yet. I like the challenge though. A lot of important things are happening all at once, and I feel like I’m finally contributing in a meaningful way.
Trial and error. How important it is for us to fail so we are forced to see what kind of person we are. I give husbae credit for these thoughts: the measure of self doesn’t occur when everything is going right — the true test comes when you’re at your worst; that’s when you’ll see what kind of human being you are.
Things move slowly, but they’re moving. Progress is glacial. Gotta find a way to train for the marathon, and stop sprinting all the time. It’s not really how my brain works, but I’ll figure it out. Hopefully. Maybe. I feel like I’ve taken steps in the right direction. Keep it moving, so says Mariame Kaba.
Saffron Coelho 