I’m a witch. A novice witch, but a witch nonetheless.
I’m a writer.
I’m a scholar of the independent variety.
I’m a feminist, follower of the tenets of Black feminism. (I haven’t learned enough to know whether that’s called ‘intersectional feminism’ or not.)
I’m an activist. Newbie in this area as well.
I’m a knitter and a crocheter, novice and advanced respectively.

I was once a photographer. I’ll start again soon.

I have entitlement issues.
I sometimes fail at being humble.
I often think I’m better than (most) everyone. I know I’m not. This is a bad habit I’m trying to break.

I’m a mother.
I’m a wife.

I’m unemployed.
Or rather, I’m employed by two tiny people who are very demanding. I like to think I’m their boss. I’m not.

I’m impatient in many ways.
I’m patient in many other ways.
It depends on my ability to cope based on how my mood is at the time.

I have low energy most of the time. Then I’ll have random spurts that make me want to do everything all at once.

Other people’s energy affect me greatly.

I’m independent, but I also allow myself to be swayed by the lazy aura my husband radiates. It’s because I also have a lazy aura. Together, we are ultra lazy.

When it comes to my kids, I take the easy path. I know it’s the wrong path. I know it doesn’t do them any good. I’m setting bad habits and setting a bad example. I’m not a good parent. I’m too much of a push over.

I think I would be a better parent if I was a working mom.

I’m tired a lot. I need a lot of sleep and a lot of downtime, and I don’t get either of those these days.

I overthink everything.
I can’t get my brain to shut up.
Meditating is hard for me. I probably haven’t yet found the kind that works for me.

I like to think. A lot. About everything.
I play scenarios through my head on the most mundane topic.
I like to imagine marketing meetings for really bad products or poorly named items.

Going back to feminism: I found out I’m a feminist by reading bell hooks and the combahee river collective statement. They fight against

patriarchy
white supremacy
classism
racism
capitalism
imperialism
militarism
colonialism

Makes sense to me. Fuck all those things. I also stand against

antisemitism
islamophobia
transphobia
homophobia
dehumanizing disabled people

Essentially, all people should be treated with equity so they have equal footing to live a quality life.

Black feminists are also

pro-choice
activists
scholars

[This thought is currently incomplete.]

I’m a socialist.

I think the government’s role in society should be to make sure everyone can live a quality life through providing housing, food security, income security, quality healthcare, and quality public transportation. Higher education would be free.
Jobs should be for all that extra shit you wanna buy, for vacations, and for providing services to humanity that will increase quality of life.

I’ve not studied socialism. Yet.

I want to be a gardener. I have a spot picked out already. But I haven’t planted anything yet. Hopefully in May.

I wish I was an artist, but I never take the time to practice drawing.

I bristle at the idea of being famous while at the same time desire to be known.

I have a book I’ve been working on since I was 15, but haven’t worked on since the kids were born. It’s epic fantasy. As I learn more about the world, the more and better ideas I’m getting for my book. One of these days I’ll write it.

I was not an avid reader until recently. I’m not even sure I’d call myself an avid reader now. I do read a lot more than I used to. Though technically I read all the time because I’m always on the internet.

If I could, I would be a forever student. I want to learn almost everything.

I want to learn a trade skill. I’m not sure what. Electrician and auto mechanic are top choices.

Religiously I am agnostic deist:
agnostic – there may or may not be a god(s)
deist – god(s) created the universe and no long have any sway on its creation

Spiritually, I’m reconnecting with my witchy side. Nature and the elements are what make me feel spiritual.

I think I can be both agnostic deist and a witch. I feel like Nature is its own entity, not related to any deity. I’m still exploring this. In fact, the exploration of my spirituality is what made me start this post. Defining who I am will help me define what I want my spirituality to be. How to pursue it, how to incorporate elements of me into it.

I like to cook. I like to bake too. I want to try to grow my own herbs and learn how to dry them for storage. I want to cook with fresh ingredients from that garden I want to have.

I am unable to create a routine for myself unless there is some external reason that forces me to stick to a schedule. It sucks, because there is so much I want to do but I’m easily distracted by everything around me. I wonder if I have some sort of ADHD. I really don’t know and hesitate to call it such. I just suck at self discipline.

I want a job so we can stop being on the edge of poor all the time. But I also want that job to be meaningful and somehow connected to my activism. I need to network more before this will happen though, I think.

I feel like I fail my kids a lot because I don’t give them very many opportunities for life experience. I feel like my inability to get my ass out of the house to take them places is really going to fuck them up. I don’t know what to do about it. Everything sounds like a shitty excuse when I start to list it out.

I don’t think I’m made to be a good mom. I try, but I fail a lot. A lot. A lot lot lot lot.

Speaking of failure, my house is a mess. Clutter everywhere. Small house, little storage, lots of stuff. A lot of paper. A lot of little things that don’t have a home and I don’t know where to make a home for them. I need to declutter. I am tentatively planning this next week to be declutter central, but every single time I have made this plan in the past it has failed miserably. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe not. I will try.

Decluttering would help with my spirituality. I say to myself in text. Have a happy spirit with a clean house. Get off your phone for more than two minutes so you can make this happen.

I want to redesign my wardrobe. You know, when I get that money I don’t have. I want to try on being a little bit more 60s hippy. Long dresses and skirts. Neutral/natural colors. A choker. Dangly earrings. Lots of bracelets, rings. More pentagrams.

I must say, I do love my husband. He’s my best friend. He makes me laugh so much, so hard, all the time. He has his faults. I have my faults too. We recognize that our own faults gives space for the other to have their faults. We’ve reached that point in marriage where we’re so comfortable with each other that we will tell each other the TMI details of our lives and neither of us cringe or say “I don’t wanna hear about that.” We lift each other up. We believe in each other.

My husband was raised mostly by his mother. His father was there but he spent more time with his mom. He’s a feminist. He recognizes our strengths as women. He tells me how badass I am. How proud he is of me. He makes sure I get ‘me’ time to recharge. He supports my activism. He parents his daughters. He’s a good man. A great man.

The day I can do chores on a daily basis is the day I can criticize him for not doing his share. That day hasn’t come yet. He could do more though. >.>

I love him. lobelobelobe

We have awesome inside jokes. We cackle a lot.

I’m hoping I’m getting to the point where I can start writing critical thinking essays. Synthesize information and create my own analysis of material. I’m getting there. The problem is that most all the books I’ve read so far were library books, and I didn’t bother to take notes as I was reading them. Eventually I plan to buy them so I can have them to reference. Another issue is that a lot of what I’m learning I’ve learned through twitter. I follow 900+ people and don’t always remember who said what and when. How do you cite a tweet? (Something for me to research at a later date.)

I have too many knitting and crochet projects started. There is one particular blanket that I’m eager to finish but I need to buy more yarn and I don’t know the names of the yarn I was using. I did take a picture for reference, but now I need to hunt it down. I think I started it two years ago? Or one? I can’t remember. That’ll be an interesting rabbit hole when I finally get to looking for it.

So, based on all the shit I spewed out here, I will try to synthesize what I like to do and how to incorporate it into my spirituality.

Oh oh oh oh oh. You know what I haven’t talked about? Music. MUSIC. I love music. I love unusual music, depending on your perspective: Japanese rock. I actually like a wide variety of music. Rock music will always be my foundation. What I look for in music is variation of sound that is rhythmic. Dance like. It makes you move. Or moves you. My favorite combination of music is a symphonic orchestra playing alongside rock. Metallica does this well. Smashing Pumpkins’ “Tonight, tonight.” Get those violins playing alongside that electric guitar and intricate drum beat. MmmmMmm.

Ok, so now I feel complete.

My spirituality must include

Nature
Writing
Learning
Feminism
Music
Cooking
Laughing
Loving
Activism
Crafting

Not in that order.

That was a fruitful exercise.