It sucks being Broke

It’s amazing how much “adulting” stuff isn’t taught. It’s not intuitive. It is a skill to be a successful, independent adult. Financial literacy definitely needs to be taught in school.

My family is constantly broke. Debt has a lot to do with it (credit cards, medical, and student loans). We don’t spend money on lavish, materialistic things. Maybe the occasional video game here and there. Most of our money goes towards food. Good food. Junk food. We like our food.

Although Husband just got his raise, we have been sued for debt twice – one, I took care of with a payment arrangement, and the other I neglected. Not necessarily on purpose, but I definitely avoided it when I could have done something about it. I just kept putting it off when I did think about it, with a “I’ll do it tomorrow” mantra. Well that didn’t end well. Bye bye to 25% of our one income check that is paid once a month. It’s a lot of money. A lot.

I always make sure rent is paid. We will always have a house over our head. And, so far, I’ve managed to avoid having our power/heat turned off. Other bills sometimes fall to the wayside. We must suffer first-world-problem indignities such as no phone, no tv, no internet until such time that I can catch up.

The thing is… I THINK I know what I need to do: I need to micromanage. Watch every cent. I’m just… lazy. I don’t do routine. I suck at routine. When I am only responsible for myself, my willpower is null. Technically, though, I’m responsible for four people. I guess I should get better at that.

The worst part about being so anxiety-ridden that I didn’t take care of that lawsuit is this month, when we got the garnishment, has Husband’s birthday, my birthday, and Christmas. Luckily I have kids’ Christmas stuff all done. But it would have been nice to be able to get Hubs his gift. I don’t know what I even want for my birthday, and usually my birthday isn’t special anyways, so meh on all that. STILL THOUGH. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Be an adult, me! *shakes fist*


One thing that is amazing is people’s generosity. Friends and strangers have helped our family out tremendously this month by giving monetary donations. I feel so much appreciation, so much. I can’t wait, I really really cannot wait, until we can pay it forward. And we will. I try to, when we have the extra funds, to donate to real people (as opposed to organizations, which I also do). I think when I start working again, I’ll have a separate account just to put donation money into, so that when someone is struggling as we have struggled, I can help them out. It sucks so much to be broke, poor, struggling. It feels awful. You feel like a failure. Why can’t I just make it work? Well, shit happens. We will be a fallback plan when we can. Promise promise promise.

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