Tonight I looked at myself for the first time in quite a long time. I mean, really looked at myself. My eyes, my cheeks, my nose and lips. They’re me, but now they have evolved into the adult version. Woman with a capital W. It’s kind of shocking to see. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet.
Aside from physical appearance, I am enjoying getting older. I know 31 almost 32 really isn’t old, or even older, but it’s a fine age to get into deeper self reflection. I’ve always been a reflector, critical thinker. But with age comes wisdom, as they say. An idiom I hated in my youth but find truth in now.
I thought to myself earlier tonight, “What would you be doing if you didn’t have a husband or children?” Before I could even begin to ponder, I countered, “Why do you have to not have a family in order to do what you want to do?”
Touche, brain, touche.
But there is something to that freedom. No responsibilities other than yourself. I didn’t even get to realize that fully before I entered into a relationship with my husband. But really, I didn’t need to have my own place to do what I was already doing: mostly hanging out on the computer in my room.
I actually am thankful to have the husband and the children I have. Without my hubs, I wouldn’t have grown in the ways that I have. He brought to me a whole new level of critical thinking that I think is a reflection of who he is. I brought him misanthropy. My bad. But anyway, when we get into really deep conversation, we really explore all avenues and present to each other a perspective that the other would not come up with on their own. I have always loved our conversations.
In college, he took English Lit classes and anthropology. I really think my love of language – grammar and linguistics – was born out of him. The fire was deep within, and he knew just how to talk about it in a way that ignited a passion. Kudos to my love for showing me love and the things I love. Love. Lobe. &&&
The path I would have chosen as a singleton would probably not intersect at all with the path I am on now. It may have been just as worthy, but maybe not. It doesn’t really matter. It was a silly question to ask myself anyway.