In other news, unsurprisingly I am mildly tabling my ambition.
I say mildly because I am still moving forward with it as my eventual goal, and I have every intention to continue the self studying as planned. However, I am extending the amount of time I am self studying for financial and familial reasons.
The biggest one is that I simply cannot afford it. I haven’t worked in over three years and while I am planning to start looking for a job soon, I also have a family I will need to support. We are struggling quite horribly this month. I really don’t know how we’ll make it, but I think a few rounds to the food bank may be one way how. Cheap meals that last a long time … lots of potatoes in our future. So, anyway, when I start my job, there won’t be much spare money. And what spare there is will be going toward paying off current debt. Then saving for a down payment on a house. Then, after that, that savings will go to my future endeavors.
It sucks big time, but this is for the best. I really wanted to be back in school as early as 2019, but it just isn’t feasible.
I am trying to look on the bright side though: I’ll have quite a bit of time for self studying. By time I am ready to apply for school again, hopefully I’ll have quite a bit of background information to rely on as I make my way through classes. I’ll be better read, have more knowledge, and be better prepared to be a student once again. Also, the girls will be much older and I won’t feel guilty taking the time to improve myself. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I do. Because part of the reason of having kids is to spend time with them.
So I’ll keep on keeping on. The road to Ph.D. is getting longer, but I was a fool to ever think the path would be short or even linear. Very silly of me.
Saffron Coelho 