Feeling Defeated

The Road to Ph.D. is going to need a detour.

Tonight, while listening to the wails of a crying 16 month old, I padded haphazardly through UW’s Linguistics department’s website. I came to the realization that my current path forward will not be a straight line. Even with self study of the textbooks I plan to read, I will be missing some key components that are required for entry into the Ph.D. program.

For one, I need TWO foreign languages under my belt. I have one, kind of. My undergraduate degree is in Japanese Language, which is hilarious because I do not know it at all. Sure I can kind of read things here and there, but I lack the grammar knowledge to feel even mildly proficient at it.

And while I have both Japanese and Spanish on Rosetta Stone, I will probably still need Spanish courses on a transcript before I’d be considered.

Also, I think I would greatly benefit if I actually took more advanced Linguistics courses. I took an intro classes and a socio-linguistics class during undergrad. Hardly enough to really get into graduate level courses.


The reality is weighing me down. If I want to continue down this path, there is a tremendous amount of work I will need to do just to get prepared for applying to the program. Then there is the possibility I wouldn’t get in.

I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I lost my life raft and I am drowning, except my feet are still firmly grounded on land. I just don’t know how I’ll be able to pull it all together while raising young children. I know people do it all the time, but I feel like those people have super powers and I am but a mere muggle mortal. Also, financially we can barely cover basic needs. I would need to work, while going to school, while raising kids. Super powers.


For now, I just wish my kid would stop screaming and go to sleep. It would help me cope with this new unfortunate epiphany.

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