I have forgotten how to relax

I finally have some time to myself, outside of the house and away from the kids. I brought my GRE study materials to a local Starbucks so I could work on some flashcards, but man I just don’t feel it right now. Which is too bad because I feel like I could get a lot done if I just could get the willpower to trudge through.

I still feel highly motivated to achieve my current life goal, but I just don’t have the mental capacity to buckle down and do it. My ‘me’ time is a rare thing to make time for right now, and I feel like I should be doing something more relaxing so I can recharge more fully. The problem that arises is that I don’t even know what is relaxing anymore. I feel like everything I do has some sort of element of urgency to it. I don’t know if urgency is the right word. Maybe just that it is to benefit someone else. The GRE studying obviously benefits me, but that’s a task, a chore. I have some crochet blankets I’m working on, one for the family and one for a friend. Again, those just feel like a chore right now.

I’ve never been one to wander stores and window shop. If I do go into a store my intention is to buy something, and I can’t really afford to buy much of anything right now. I’m not really into manicures and pedicures, not because I don’t like them – I’m sure I would love them – but more that I would rather spend what little money I do have in a different way.

Maybe I should just take a drive and blare music. I should have brought a novel or something to read, but my tired brain feels like it might require more engagement than I really want to extend.


I’m on group 81-100 on my flashcards, and I have 320 total to make. That’s just for GRE high frequency words. As I’m making the flashcards I’m adding synonyms and antonyms, and I try to incorporate words that I’m not familiar with within those lists so I can make another set of flashcards for those words.

20170715_152818 (Do you know what “pusillanimous” means and how to use it with the correct connotation? It’s quite an interesting word.)

Many of these words I’m already familiar with. I’m also running into words that I thought I knew but the definition is not at all what I thought the word meant.  I like learning the words, but I think it’s just too much right now.

Alright, I think I’ll get through this round on cards and just call it.

What do you like to do to relax?