Life Goes On

Sometimes I wonder if the hellmouth is really just any place where more than one child screams and whines at the same time. The path leading to insanity begins out of the mouth of two screaming children, both demanding your attention at the same time, but both need different things you can’t provide while you hold them both. 

So then you must put one down. Who do you disappoint first? But I don’t really care about their disappointment. No, they must learn how to deal with it. It also means you must listen to their nails-to-the-chalkboard screaming while they learn to cope. 

It’s exhausting. And it’s trying. And often I fail. It sucks to fail. But I am human and sometimes I just need a break. Yet my kids think otherwise and they get to deal with the consequence of that.

And life goes on!

Thankful Part 1.

I feel like now is a good time to write out all the things I am grateful for.

01.The nights my children actually go to sleep at a reasonable hour. Tonight is not one of those nights unfortunately.

02. My husband.* I promise I’ll get back to him.

03. My children. My goofy, lovely, loving, very silly babies. Always happy, except when the case of 2-year-old-itis or teething hits.

04. The internet. For both it’s pros and it’s cons. Both have played a major role in my life.

05. To be living. Which has kiiinndddaaa been a struggle lately.

06. Video games.

07. Crochet

08. Photography

09. Cameras on…

10. Smartphones.

11. The people on the internet who, like me, struggle to interact in the real world and aren’t afraid to blossom friendships that began on a forum…or game… or social site.

12. The internet again, and all its wonderful recipe sites and blogs. For you have made it possible for me to have…

13. Delicious meals. All of which include

14. Butter.  Yes, I went there.

15. Video baby monitors.

16. Yarn

17. The possibility that tomorrow I can continue this list.


How many days?

I’ve been off Facebook and twitter for several days, and while some days were just as frustrating, not having the doom and gloom in my face makes me feel a little at ease.

Hubs and I had two date nights. We enjoyed bruscetta one night and chocolate fondue the next. I made Sheppard’s pie today. I’m making baked Mac and cheese with bacon tomorrow. 

Fatty foods are ruling the house. And I feel like I need to make the time to keep it going as long as I can. Because who knows…?

All of K’s teething teeth are in. Four on top, one on bottom. That makes 7 the current count. I think another bottom tooth is coming in. Time will tell. I hope she gets relief soon.

O is becoming more kid-like with each passing day. The looks and the gestures. She has to tell me everything she knows and makes sure to make sure she knows I know. It’s cute and tiring at the same time. I don’t yet regret wishing for the talking. 

6 days

The morning was spent taking care of my girls while my handheld addiction device known as my phone stayed in the bedroom. I spent about 15 minutes texting while I fed K, but the rest of the time it was put out of sight.

The whole day I had to fight the pull to go look at it. 

Last night I deleted Facebook and twitter from my phone. I did get on fb on the computer to check something, but other than that I kept my distance.

This evening, hubs and I made art for the girls: their names written in glitter glue on pink construction paper. It is very cute.

I succeeded today. There were some minor annoyances like O refusing to nap for about two hours, and by time she did fall asleep, K was waking up. But the evening has both kids sleeping at a reasonable hour, and we both got the break we’ve been desperately needing. 

We really needed it.

7 days

If you had 7 days left to live, what would you do?

No, seriously, what?

Because maybe you should start doing it now. Right now. Right this moment.

For me, I want to be the happiest I’ve ever been. I wanna do fun stuff with my kids. I want to relax and play video games. I want to have deep philisophical conversations with my husband. I want to make art. I want to be present.

I don’t want to know what travesty is happening next or happened while I slept. I don’t want to spend every day worrying about the future. I don’t want to feel like shit every time I glance at the headlines.

So, adiós. See you in 8 days hopefully.

Except for WordPress. Writing is how I relax, so expect plenty of it here.

Good Rhetoric

Let’s talk about rhetoric.

The thing that drives me crazy about the internet is its overuse of hyperbole. You often see articles that say things like quotation marks so-and-so destroyed blah blah with such and such. Words like destroy, decimate, epic, hero are all being over used in an incorrect way. It creates a society that doesn’t know the proper definition of words and so when we start using phrases like “fake news”, people just jump on it to use on anything that they don’t agree with. 


Oddly enough a good example of Rhetoric came to light this evening. I had began the previous paragraph earlier in the day, so I find it a pleasant surprise.

I wrote it on Facebook, but I’ll copy it here.
Rhetoric matters. And this is how you do it…

“I’ve been pursuing this issue because the ethics program starts at the top. The signals a President sends set the tone for ethics across the executive branch. Tone from the top matters.  


“It’s important to understand that the President is now entering the world of public service. He’s going to be asking his own appointees to make sacrifices. He’s going to be asking our men and women in uniform to risk their lives in conflicts around the world. So, no, I don’t think divestiture is too high a price to pay to be the President of the United States of America.”
The link is a statement from the director Of the Office of Government Ethics regarding President-Elect’s and his appointees’ need to resolve conflicts of interests. 

He not only shows why it’s important, but also gives an example of one of Trump’s appointees successfully clearing the ethics process. 

While he says that Trump’s current plan to let his kids run his business will not work with government ethics, he adds, “Now, before anyone is too critical of the plan the President-elect announced, let’s all remember there’s still time to build on that plan and come up with something that will resolve his conflicts of interest. In developing the current plan, the President-elect did not have the benefit of OGE’s guidance. So, to be clear, OGE’s primary recommendation is that he divest his conflicting financial interests. Nothing short of divestiture will resolve these conflicts. ” 

He sums up his remarks with “It’s plain to see that none of this reflects any partisan motivation. All you have to do is imagine what

will happen if the President-elect takes this advice and divests. He’ll be stronger. He’ll have a better chance of succeeding. So will the ethics program and the government as a whole. And, in turn, America will have a better chance of succeeding. We should all want that. I know I want that.”
And while I think he says many great things and is overall very positive about his expectations, I will not at all be surprised when Trump gets on Twitter to start spewing more propaganda bullshit that he likes to do.

Right Wing, Help Me Understand

Research. I want to do so much of it right now.

The current political landscape is dividing the American people further and further. The propaganda spewing from the president-elect perpetuates this divide, and unless the “liberal elite” stop name-calling the other side, our world is doomed.

We need understanding and compassion. We need to be willing to talk and discuss ideas and theories without resorting to personal attacks. I know a lot of people are so unwilling to even listen to the other side, and it’s because each side has a huge amount of elitism and entitlement. 

Is it too late to stop this? Is it possible for people to learn humility, to be OK with how the other lives even if it isn’t how you would choose to live personally? 

I want to learn what people who support the president-elect hope for him to achieve. If it is for America to become less inclusive, to oppress rights of any group, or to help the rich get richer, then I really want nothing to do with you.

However, if you’re concerned with how things have been going, that there is something that hasn’t worked for you in the last 8 years because of policy, I want to know what it is. I think most people are concerned with just living their lives, and maybe some of the leftist policies interfered with the rights’ ideal life. But what? I really want to know.
It’s hard to write these posts while the kids are awake. I’ll edit and write another later.

Six Teeth at Once

Having one of those nights of endless crying.

I think I reported K having five teeth coming in at the same time. At least three are definitely broken through, two at either there or really close, and now I think there is yet another working its way up.


I’m contemplating staying up to do cleaning, but I am quickly losing motivation. I’m just glad to have got this day of writing in.

Lazy Day

Not much happened today. I was able to catch a midday nap when #2 took a nap. It was nice. 

O has some sort of weird cold. She has a cough but only at certain parts of the day. It’s worse at night. She complains that her mouth hurts but refuses medicine. She was a cranky butt for most of today.

Any time I looked in the mirror today, there was a moment of shock. Oh yeahhhh… I chopped off my hair! It’s not just pulled back into a weirdly tight ponytail. I head banged today. It was interesting and weird. Haha.

Lazy lazy day. As much as one can be while taking care of two small people.

I Chopped off my Hair.

This is the transformation I just made on myself…

I have never done anything like it before. Not only was it the first time I cut my own hair, but it is also the first time I’ve had my hair this short. It’s < an inch. 

I love it.

A big part of why it happened is because of the downward spiral that is being a new parent. Life is hard. It could he harder, I recognize that, but it seems as though our life before this was about as easy as you can take it while still participating in society. So now it feels extra hard.

Among teething children who both cry and are clingy at the same time, and a little tiff with the hubs (we have since made up), AND my PPD isn’t getting better, my coping skills are completely depleted, and I needed to do SOMETHING. 

The extreme amount of apathy I felt in that moment required release; something dramatic without major consequence. 

So this was it.

And I love it.

Goddamn it feels good. 

Though, my head isn’t used to it. It feels like my hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail. I try to swing it sometimes, but there isn’t anything there. It’s very weird. I like it.

Tomorrow, or sometime soon, I’m gonna get it touched up with a professional. It’s pretty awesome.